


Contact My People

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, EriSol - Freeform, Humanstuck, M/M, Mentions of Sex, celebrity, possible smut in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1776241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was only supposed to be one night. But one became two, and two became a week, and a week became a month and suddenly Sollux Captor was sleeping with Eridan Ampora almost every night.</p>
<p>Humanstuck AU where Eridan is a famous actor, secretly sleeping with regular joe Sollux Captor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Idea from the song Don't Mess With Me by Temposhark  
> Enjoy, chapter 2 should be up soon, just have to type it up.

It was only supposed to be one night. But one became two, and two became a week, and a week became a month and suddenly Sollux Captor was sleeping with Eridan Ampora almost every night.  
Eridan Ampora, aka Eric Ampora, was an award winning actor that Sollux hated with every fiber of his being. Well...Okay. One part of him did like Eridan but the rest of him couldn't stand the hipster douche. He was self centered, stuck up, and just...urgh! Sollux wanted to strangle him! ...And pin him to the bed and make him scream but that was a different matter entirely.

"Wwell I'm off." He only stuttered around Sol.  
"Thee you, athhole." Sollux replied. Eridan frowned, crossing his arms.  
"I am wwaitin'."  
"For what, thtupid?" Eridan rolled his eyes.  
"Oh just kiss me you lispin' idiot." And Sollux did. He did and it was nice. Because as much as he hated Eridan, he also loved him.

 

"So Sollux, who's the unlucky girl that had your dick in her again last night?" Karkat asked for probably the one hundredth time."  
"No one."  
"Oh come on. You've got afterglow all over you."  
"I do not."  
"Yeah you do. You look brighter than the god damn sun. So cough it up. Who is she?"  
"Karkat there ith no girl." Not a complete lie.  
"Yeah and I'm generally a people person. Who loves children." Sollux sighed and picked up his phone. He had a text from Eridan.  
"I'm theriouth. There ith no girl, KK." Karkat scowled and crossed his arms.  
"Yeah whatever. Either way you're stupidly happy again and its pissing me off. Are you even listening? Who are you texting?" Sollux continued ignoring him.

sol i'm bored  
2o? You're at work. Do 2omethiing.  
i am at hair and makeup  
2ound2 deliightful.

He locked his phone just in time for Karkat to steal it.  
"God damn it. I never get passed your fucking lock."  
"That'th kinda the point, KK."  
"Whatever. I'm gonna go see Egbert. Teach him a thing or two about good movies. I'll see you later."  
"Later Karkat."

 

Sollux was always the first and last person in and out of the small appartment Eridan had purchased. Originally he had wanted a fancy penthouse, but Sollux talked him out of it. They only used the place for sex, after all. But Eridan had insisted they stock the kitchen and furnish it nicely, decorations and all.

He sat on the couch, watching the tv and waiting for Eridan. The actor had texted him, telling him to head over. That he was on his way. So Sollux had listened. He always did. It was something he hated, the power Eridan had over him.

"Wwork wwas hell." Speak of the devil. Eridan sat down next to Sollux and rested his head on the other's shoulder, Sol's arm automatically wrapping around him.  
"Gee, being famouth mutht thuck."  
"It actually does, Sol. It's tirin' and the paparazzi followw you ewerywwhere. They almost followwed me in!"  
"...Would it be too bad if they had?"  
"Yes! A' course it wwould be bad! No one can knoww! You're my secret. If it got out I wwas sleepin' wwith a man, my career wwould be ower!"  
"Right. I forgot." Sollux muttered. Eridan's career always came first. They met in secret for his career. He couldn't talk about Eridan for his career. It was all about the damn job and sometimes it drove Sollux crazy!  
Eridan pressed a soft kiss to Sollux's neck.  
"One day, wwhen I'we retired maybe, wwe can go public but for noww, let's keep it a secret." Sollux nodded.  
"Alright. Thoundth okay."  
"Good, noww then. I need to relax. Meet me in the bedroom."


	2. The Room Mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sollux goes home and deals with his room mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! Enjoy. (Not checked and neither was chapter one so sorry for mistakes!)

Sollux woke up to the sound of a phone ringing.  
"Hello?" He heard Eridan aask. "Oh, shit. Right. Of course." He rolled over to watch the other scramble out of bed and hurry to get dressed. "I'm on my way. Should be about twenty minutes. Alright. Goodbye."

"You're a lot cuter when you thtutter." 

"And you're a lot cuter when you shut up. Or should I say 'thut up'?"

"Thut up! I mean sthut, I-urgh! Be quiet!" Eridan chuckled, attempting to fic his hair in the mirror on the door before growling and going to the bathroom for gel. Sollux got up and put his boxers back on, following after him. He leaned against the door frame.

"What'th it today?"

"Talk showw. I'm goin' to talk about the neww mowie."

"Thoundth lame."

"Extremely."

"I won't watch."

"Good. I don't wwant you to."

"Okay, then I will watch."

"Fine."

"Fine." The two scowled at each other before smiling and sharing a chaste kiss.

"Hate you."

"Hate you more." Sollux replied. "Need a ride?"

"No, my car's dowwn the street. I'll be okay.

 

"Okay. Tho hey, I wath thinking maybe we could go out tonight. My treat, anywhere you want."

"Sol you knoww wwe can't." Eridan replied. "Besides, tonight is all booked up. I wwon't be able to see you until tomorrow. And ewen if I wwas free, you knoww wwe can't see each other in public."

"Okay, okay. It wath a thtupid idea. Calm down."

"I'm sorry. I knoww you really wwant this to be somethin' but it just can't, okay? Not noww."

"Right. Not now." Sollux repeated, shrugging. "Then I'll take mythelf out. I'm better compant than you anyway."

"Excuse me? I'm great company!"

"Nah, you thuck."

"And you moan like a whore wwhile I do." Eridan said, smirking.

"I do not!"

"You do too. I hawe to go noww. Hawe a nice day, Sol." Eridan kissed him goodbye and then left. Sollux went out to the living room and flopped onto the couch. He couldn't leave for at least two hoursc so he may as well play some games while he waits.

 

After three hours of xbox, it was safe to leave. So he did just that. Heading home to his shared appartment. His room mate was some prick named Dave Strider who he couldn't stand. The guy payed well and usually minded his own business though, so he let him stay.

"Walk of shame again? Damn man, who is this chick? And does she like cool kids?" Guess today was not one of those times.

"There ith no chick and even if there wath, I wouldn't tell you."

"Man that's so lame!"

"Tho'th your rap album." Dave gasped and over dramatically put a hand on his chest.

"You take that back!"

"Nah. Coth then I'd be lying." His phone went off. A text from Eridan with the channel number. He was on one of those live talk shows. Sollux grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, startingg to pick up the living room. "Geez it'th a methth in here. What'd you do, have a party?"

"Actually yes. And it was great. Just don't go in your room yet. And wash your sheets."

"If thomone fucked in my room, Thtrider, I thwear to god." As if on cue, out walked Gamzee Makara with. His hair messier than usual, his makeup smeared. "Oh good. It'th jutht GZ."

"Gamzee! You, uh, forgot your shoes." A second man said, hurrying after the clown.

"Thanks Tavbro, my little miracle." Gamzee purred, cosing the smaller male to blush.

"...I'm burning my theetth." Sollux declared after watching the two play a round of tonsil hockey. 

"Sweet, bonfire." Dave said from the kitchen.

"And when we come back, we'll be joined by Eric Ampora. Stay tuned." The TV said. Sollux went to the kitchen and grabbed one of his energy drinks from the fridge before sitting on the couch. Dave sat next to him, Mountain Dew in one hand, Doritos in the other.

"You actually like these shows?"

"No."

"Then why-"

"Becauthe."

"What, you suddenly an Ampora-whorea?"

"Excuthe me?"

"That's what they're called. Ampora fans."

"Fine maybe I'm one of thothe. Thue me." Dave shrugged.

"Nah. It's okay. I'm one too. He's pretty hot." It was no secret that Dave didn't discriminate based on gender. Something about letting everyone have a piece of the Strider. But hearing him call Eridan hot made Sollux really mad.

"I guess. But he probably hath a thmall dick." Something Sollux knew for sure.

"Nah, it's probably huge." It wasn't.

"Why are we talking about Eridan Ampora'th dick thize?"

"Whoa, what? Eridan? Um, his name is Eric. And you call yourself a fan."

"I-Uh thorry force of habit."

"Force of- come again?"

"Never mind." Sollux said, turning up the TV.

"No no, do contin-"

"And we are back!" The talk show host said, incredibly perky.

"We aren't finished here. But I gotta watch my celebrity crush now. So hush." Dave said, staring at the TV. Sollux couldn't help but feel a bit proud that it was him fucking Eridan into the mattress all the time, and not Dave. Take that, Dave.


	3. Risky Behavior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan and Sollux break their rules and Dave fanboys.

Eridan Ampora met Sollux Captor in a bar one night. He was in disguise, and drunk, and something happened and suddenly he was in his bed, naked, and with a sore ass.

And then it happened again. And again. And again until it was a regular thing. A part of his routine.

But that's all it was. A routine. He couldn't let it mean anything, so it didn't. It was just a quick fuck with no feelings. 

....Right?

Of course it was. It was just casual sex and that's it.

Sollux was just his fuck buddy, no strings attached. There were no feelings, just physical attraction.

 

His day today was crazy. Interviews, filming, an autograph session and a photo shoot! By the end of it he was exhausted. A quick time check told him it was eleven thirty-five, and Sollux was probably still up. The guy only seemed to sleep after they did the do.

hey sol

Eridan got a response three minutes later.

What ED?  
i'm only a feww minutes awway  
2o?  
so come and see me  
Iin publiic?  
no idiot at the appartment  
Ii'm kind of tiired, maybe tomorrow.  
listen sol i told you to come so you better do as i say  
Goodnight ED.

Well that was new. Sollux never disobeyed Eridan. The actor scowled at his phone before throwing it into the passenger seat and driving home. Something had to be done about this. Someone needed to teach Sollux Captor a lesson.

 

The next morning, Eridan woke up alone. And he hated it. If Sollux was trying to make him mad, then he was succeeding. Because Eridan was furious.

sol i am upset  
Good for you.  
i'm upset wwith you sol  
Oh great what'd Ii do now?  
you knoww wwhat you did  
No Ii really don't ED.

Eridan dropped his phone on the table, getting his breakfast. There was another message when he returned.

Whatever Ii diid Ii'm 2orry  
wwhatewer sol

He angrily ate his cereal, imagining each piece was a small person getting destroyed by his perfect and amazingly white teeth.

Eriidan.

Uh oh, full name. Someone's in trouble.

wwhat  
2top beiing a biitch and come 2ee me.

The next message was an address. Did Sollux want him to go to his place? Hadn't Eridan made it clear that that couldn't happen? What is Sollux's problem? He's so stubborn!

And Eridan liked it.

fine  
Ii'll 2ee you then.

After spending quite some time on his appearance, Eridan got in his car and drove. Luckily he was able to lost the people following him, and he stopped outside of an appartment complex much smaller than the one housing his and Sol's. He knew Sol was short on cash but he had secretly been expecting more. He double checked the address before parking his car and getting out.

Floor four, appartment thirteen, he repeated to himself, finally stopping at the door. This was risky and against the rules, but he knocked anyway.

...

No response. He knocked again.

"Hold on, I'm coming." Well that certainly wasn't Sollux. The door opened to reveal a blonde male in sunglasses and pink boxers. "Holy shit. Do you know who you are?"

"Yes. Where's Sollux? Who are you?" He asked, hiding his stutter.

"I'm his room mate. Jesus fuck, Eric Ampora is at my doo-"

"No he'th not." Sollux said, shoving Dave aside.

"Uh dude yes he is. He's right there."

"No he'th not. You never thaw him."

"...Twenty bucks and an autograph and I saw nothing." Sollux rolled his multicolored eyes and groaned. 

"Fine. I'll knock twenty off your payment thith month and he'll thign thomething later. Now go away. Ed, you come in."

"My room mate has a nick name for Eric Ampora. Unreal man."

"And my room mate is annoying." Sollux muttered grabbing Eridan's wrist and dragging him to his room. He shut and locked the door, kissing Eridan fiercly.

"Thorry about latht night. I wath with my brother."

"Brother?"

"Yeah. But enough about him. Why are you upthet with me? Ith it really becauthe I bailed?"

"Yes. But noww I knoww wwhy. You newer mentioned a brother."

"I don't talk about him much and don't care to thtart." Sollux muttered, sliding his hands under Eridan's shirt, sliding it up as he did so.

"Sol stop. Your room mate-"

"What about him?"

"Wwhy am I ewen here?"

"Becauthe I mithed you." Sollux answered, kissing Eridan's neck.

"Yes but this is risky."

"Tho?" Sollux asked. "I like rithky."

"But I don't. I should go."

"Don't. Pleathe." Eridan sighed, and nodded. 

"Fine. I'll stay."

"Thank you." Sollux whispered before leading Eridan to the bed.


	4. The Paparazzi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4, here we go.

The two snuck Eridan out of the apartment and shared one last kiss, sure that no one was around. The hipster then got in his car and drove off, completely unaware of the paparazzi the instantly swarmed Sollux.

"Who are you?" They'd shout, cameras flashing. "What's your connection to Eric Ampora?" and "Why did you kiss him? Are you his boyfriend?" The poor computer genius didn't stand a chance and, blinded by cameras and feeling claustrophobic, did the only thing he could think to do.

He screamed.

"Who am I?! Who are you?! Go away! I'm not anthwering any quethtionth! Goodbye!" he shouted, pushing his way out and running into the elevator, shutting the doors. "Shit..." He muttered. "Ampora's gonna be pissed..."

 

And judging by the phone call he recieved a few days later, he was right.

"Wwhat the hell?! I told you this wwas a bad idea! Noww eweryone thinks I'm gay!"

"You kinda are."

"Urgh! I could lose my job!"

"I doubt it. There'th plenty of gay actorth, remember?"

"I can't beliewe you wwere so stupid! My agent is PISSED!"

"How do you think I feel?! I can't even leave the houthe without thome fangirl trying to kill me! Thut up about you for once and think about otherth you fucking aththhole!" Eridan was quiet.

"...He wwants you on a showw wwith me."

"What?" Sollux asked, still pissed.

"My agent. He wwants us to go on one of the shows requestin' an intervieww. Talk about wwhat's happenin'."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well what is happening?" Sollux asked.

"I don't know." Eridan replied.

"We can't just say we're fuck buddies."

"No, that's wworse for my reputation." He agreed.

"Well....want to....ugh. I thound thrupid but let'th be boy friendth."

"What?"

"You heard me, aththhat."

"...Okay."

"Okay." They were both quiet.

"But I get to top sometimes."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, I don't..."

 

"Today we're joined by Eric Ampora and the man of mystery who's been the subject of many conversations lately, Sollux Captor!" The perky talk show host said. The crowd applauded and Sollux couldn't help but get nervous at the sight of so many people.

"Thank you." Eridan said, flashing a bright smile, obviously unaffected by the experience. "Its an honor to be here. Sollux, say hello."

"What? Oh, hi." He said quickly, blushing faintly. This was so embarrassing! The host, a woman by the name of Jade Harley, smiled and giggled softly, the audience laughing, which only made it worse.

"So, Eric. Introduce us to, Sollux was it?"

"Well, Jade, this is my boyfriend as I'm sure you have all already guessed." He said calmly. Sollux jumped when Eridan put a hand on his knee. "Sol, go ahead and say somethin'. Jade doesn't bite."

"Oh, um, hi."

"You already said that."

"Well what elthe thhould I thay, douchebag?" He snapped.

"Anything, asshole." The audience was in shock.

"Hate you."

"Hate you more." Eridan replied, leaning in and kissing Sol's cheek. Sollux smiled and took his hand in his.

"Thorry I called you a douche."

"Sorry I called you an ass."

"Well wasn't that something!" Jade said, interupting their moment. "So how long have you been together?"

"Officially," Eridan began, clearly having decided to keep Sollux from talking too much. "Only a few days. But unofficially, about....hmmm...six months?"

"Yeah, ED. That thoundth about right." Sollux said, nodding. He grabbed the water bottle beside his seat and took a sip.

"Oh, so not too long then?" Jade asked.

"No." Eridan answered. "Not too long. However I doubt it will end soon. I enjoy it." Jade smirked a bit before asking another question.

"I'm sure everyone is wondering this, Sollux, and you're probably the best person to ask. So how good is Eric in bed?" Sollux nearly choked on his drink.

"I-I'm thorry?"

"What's it like?"

"Well he lookth pretty cute begging me to, what'th it you thay? 'Harder, Captor, harder! Ooooh yeeeeeeah~'" The audience lost it, Jade herself turning a bit pink.

"Oh wow."

"Sollux Captor! I thought we agreed to keep those details to ourselves!" Eridan snapped, covering his face.

"Hey, I couldn't thay no. They wanted to know the anthwer." He replied, shrugging. This was actually beginning to get fun.

 

Good thing too because for the next few weeks he was in interview after interview. Magazines, websites, tv shows. He would be swarmed everytime he went outside. At first it was amusing but after a while it started to drive him crazy.

"I can't do thith anymore, ED!" He shouted one night. "I jutht can't!"

"Sol please. Please don't say wwhat I think you're going to."

"Eridan...I think...we thould break up." Eridan gasped, and bit his lower lip, looking sadly at the other.

"Sollux..."

"I'm thorry."

"Sollux wwait. Can't wwe just talk? I'm sorry, alright? I should hawe been more careful but noww wwe're in this together. Sollux don't leawe me. I need you." Sollux sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Well what elthe can we do?"

"I can hawe a press conference or somethin'. Tell 'em to leawe you alone. Just don't go."

"I can't believe I'm thaying thith....fine. Fine, ED. Jutht do it thoon. I actually mithth the outthide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is over so I may be slower with updates (I wrote these chapters in my free period) but I'll try to get up at least two a month.


End file.
